


Stay Calm

by Zygella



Series: Diamond Visits [32]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Diamond Bonding, Gen, HEY LOOK WHITE'S BACK!, Light-Hearted, She totally didn't fall into the void in my series, it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 19:57:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18373016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zygella/pseuds/Zygella
Summary: She was nervous, uncomfortable with all of this. Something in her was twisting painfully but confused her, she was made of light, what was this feeling in her chest? She gripped the arms of her throne a little tighter, trying to fight off a frown that she felt edging onto her face. There were so many Gems here... a long time ago, this was never a problem, why now did she feel like this? Was it her guilt over what she did all these years, or... something else?





	Stay Calm

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahahaha what do you mean White just fucking disappeared from my series??? Whhaaaaaat? No she's right here! Look!
> 
> (Okay also I hope y'all are still keeping tabs on the Diamond Playlists. If you lost the links to those, they should be at the end of the story 'Diamond Playlists' also in this series.)

It had been eons since White had been in the presence of so many Gems. It was an Era 3 ball planned by Steven, to make up for the one he insisted he ruined and had to make up for. The Diamonds had protested against this, but he won because he cheated and pulled a puppy-dog face and how could they say no to him?

 

But back to the ball. It was different, the Gems more free but still nervous, casting fleeting glances at the authority figures while they sat pretty on their thrones. Steven bounded up to Blue's, stars in his eyes and asking her to "dance" with him, to her best ability with the small boy. She giggled lightly into her hand and complied, standing up and taking a hesitant step into the crowd of Gems below, some looking more afraid than before, others giving cheers to the action of bravery.

 

Yellow watched the two with heart-melting affection in her eyes, something that any other Gem would find didn't fit the usually rugged authority, but now they knew better. Of all of them, White thinks she's gone through the most changes, inside and out. All those years of keeping up the repression of her feelings that the old White groomed her into thinking didn't have a purpose, it was all becoming undone slowly and White, while she still felt such guilt for imposing on the golden gem, felt as well such a sense of pride for her growth.

 

White herself, on the other hand...

 

She was nervous, uncomfortable with all of this. Something in her was twisting painfully but confused her, she was made of light, what was this feeling in her chest? She gripped the arms of her throne a little tighter, trying to fight off a frown that she felt edging onto her face. There were so many Gems here... a long time ago, this was never a problem, why now did she feel like this? Was it her guilt over what she did all these years, or... something else?

 

"White?"

 

White snapped back to reality to meet Yellow's questioning, concerned expression looking back at her while everyone else still danced on. She was turned around in her throne. Funny, she chooses to focus her attention not on her lover, but White? White found this interesting. She was still learning herself, everything was met with an almost childlike curiosity that always seemed to find its way into her body language.

 

Wait, White, stop zoning out. Yellow is looking at you with even more concern now.

 

"There's just... a lot of Gems here. It's giving me a weird feeling. A clenching feeling in my chest, right here," she brought a hand to rest on the area, "it is unpleasant, but I think I should... what would Amethyst say, 'suck it up'?"

 

Yellow's frown deepened, and for a moment, White thinks she's said the wrong thing. But then she reaches out to take up White's other hand in her smaller one, giving her a soft look.

 

"In some circumstances, yes, that would be a good choice. However, you haven't been out of your headship and on Homeworld in the presence of so many this closely in eons. If you are feeling anxious, or uncomfortable, you should not feel obligated to stay here." Yellow spoke softly.

 

White grimaced, looking from Yellow to the hall of Gems, Blue and Steven dancing as best as they could while other Gems danced with them, and back at Yellow. She really should stay. She knows she really, really should stay and watch, to give this much to Homeworld after being absent from just about everything for so long, but the twisting in her chest tightened.

 

Something in her expression must have changed, and Yellow gave her a look of determination as she stood up from her throne, tugging gently at her hand she still held.

 

"Come on, you're uncomfortable. The last thing we want to teach everyone else is that their personal feelings don't matter. Let's go back to your headship. We can talk more there." Yellow said, tugging her along out of the ballroom.

 

White couldn't help but feel somewhat like a disappointment as she caught the looks Gems, confusion and sadness in their eyes at the fact she was leaving. She mouthed 'I'm sorry' to a few of them with a downcast look. Yellow lead them both all the way back into the headship, where Pink Pearl was surprisingly nowhere to be found, but that didn’t matter to the two authorities. Yellow then gently took the elite Diamond’s music player off of the platform she’d always stand on and sifted through the music, landing on a rather long one that surprisingly, she didn’t recognize. Not that Yellow and White hung out and listened to each other’s music a lot, but it definitely hadn’t been there the last time they’d talked about anything like that.

 

“What’s this one, White?” Yellow asked curiously, pointing to the screen of the player.

 

White looked and didn’t even seem to react. “Oh. A piece of music from something Steven called a ‘video game’. It… it helps me stay calm whenever I feel like I’m losing myself.”

 

Yellow gave her a head tilt with a small smile. “Let’s listen to this then. I might have to add it to my own player if it resonates right with me.”

 

The golden Gem set the player down once more as soft piano and low humming began to fill the room. She then lay flat on her back on the floor, arms stretched out, legs straight. She motioned with her head for White to join her on the floor, to which she hesitated, but then joined her anyway.

 

There they lay, side by side but not quite flush against each other, as the music played on. A few minutes passed, before Yellow spoke.

 

“This does have a nice feel to it. I really might add it to my own list.” She paused, tilting her head to look at White. “Do you want to talk about how you were feeling? I have a hunch on what it was, but I’d like to hear it from you if you’re willing.”

 

White gave her a soft sigh. “Something about being in a closed space that small with so many people in it… just didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t the lack of space to move that did it, though. There were just so many pairs of eyes that could lead into them all looking straight at me. I used to be completely fine under the stares of every Gem on Homeworld, yet now…” She trailed off.

 

Yellow gave a tiny nod and a small hum in her throat of understanding. “I see. You get anxious in big crowds of Gems, then. There’s nothing wrong with that, you know. Some people just don’t like being in a crowd.” Yellow paused again, biting her lip. “Take me for example. I can deal with crowds a little if it’s not that tightly packed, but honestly, anywhere I am in a space that’s just cramped and too small, I start to panic. Claustrophobia, what the humans call it.”

 

White sat back on her elbows to look properly at the Diamond beside her. “Really?” Yellow nodded, and she continued. “I had no idea… haven’t you retreated into your Gem a few times? How well did you fair?”

 

Yellow grimaced. “The first time, there were other variables so prominent in my consciousness that I didn’t at all pay attention to the fact of where I was. The second time, however… I was a mess. Scared the piss out of Blue when I finally reformed and totally came undone in front of her about it. I’ll just have to hope I don’t ever have to retreat again, and if I do, that I can try to stay calm as best as I can.”

 

The music continued on, and they fell into a silence as they listened. White thought about what Yellow had told her while Yellow tried her best to hum along to the music that she was still unfamiliar with, before she turned her head once again to White.

 

“Hey, if you ever feel like that again, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I know what it’s like. We’re all here to help you out, Steven, Blue, and I. But please don’t ever feel uncomfortable to talk to me. I know that we don’t talk much, that I’m practically glued to Blue’s side all the time, but I’ll never hesitate to come to you on your call if you need me to. We can just sit here, listening to this music as well like we are now. We could make it a habit.”

 

White gave her a rare soft smile, closing her eyes in agreement. “I’d like that, thank you.”

 

They knew later that Blue and Steven would come to find them, after the ball was over. But, for now, they sat in silence together as the calming music echoed around the headship, basking in the calm atmosphere it has created for the two who sometimes suffer from panic.

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Universe Sandbox 2 Official Soundtrack (21 minute version)
> 
> join the discooooooord: https://discord.gg/9pSaABF


End file.
